Meghan Didn’t ‘Trust’ Herself With Suicidal Thoughts

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In his forthcoming memoir, Spare, Prince Harry recalled that Meghan Markle “didn’t trust herself to be home alone.”

The 38-year-old Duke of Sussex wrote in his memoir that the 41-year-old Suits graduate told him in 2019 that after the negative treatment she received from the British media, she wanted to “disappear” to “soak up the pain for… bring everyone to a halt”.

“I begged her not to talk like that. I promised her we’d get through this and find a way. In the meantime, we would get her any help she needed,” Harry wrote in the book, which will be released Tuesday, January 10. “I asked her to be strong, to persevere.”

Amid Meghan’s mental crisis, the couple, who married in May 2018, were due to perform at the Royal Albert Hall. While comforting his wife, Harry wrote that he “couldn’t quite stop thinking like a royal king” and feared that being late would only cause him and Meghan more grief.

The Invictus Games co-founder suggested the California native should skip the event while he quickly emerged. However, the Archetypes podcast host declined the offer, saying she “didn’t dare to be home alone with such dark feelings for even an hour.” The two attended the event together. At the time, Meghan was pregnant with her and Harry’s first child.

A year after the couple welcomed their son Archie in 2019, they decided to step down from their managerial positions in the royal family. In 2020, Harry and Meghan moved to California from the UK and welcomed their daughter Lilibet the following year.

Following her exit from The Firm, the Duchess of Sussex has spoken out on numerous occasions about her past experiences with her suicidal thoughts and how she sought help.

“I just didn’t see a solution. I’d sit up at night and just think, I don’t understand how this is all being churned out,” the former actress said in a March 2021 CBS interview. “I realized that this was all happening because I was breathing. I was really ashamed to say that at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry, especially knowing how much loss he’s endured. But I knew if I didn’t say it, I would. I just didn’t want to live anymore. And that was a very clear and real and scary constant thought.”

Spare will be released on Tuesday January 10th.

If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or is contemplating suicide, call 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.